No, that is not a valid/known/accepted phrase. But then half of the things we think or do… or at least dream of fall in that category… isn’t it? Anyway, So I have bucket memories. Memories that I have never live through… memories that I want to live once before I die. I think you do too.
Lying down half sleepy in the middle of night… I think of old times. Good or bad does not matter. Whether they brought smiles or tears doesn’t matter either… as the time passes that axis ceases to be. What remain are the dusty half lost experience and the thoughts and anticipations strung with them.
I think of events as they occurred. I think of events as they never occurred. I anticipate the flow of events in many directions… in the directions that manifested themselves into reality and directions that never existed. Both equally charming – one has the sensation of a real touch and the other… thrills of infinite possibilities. Both make memories. No? The un-happened, never-existed experiences make the memories as much as the real occurred once.
In the turbulent continuous of hilly spring… water drops stringing one after the other
Falling flawlessly effortlessly… music of jumping sprinkles… sparkle of cool sun drops
The hill where it starts … The silky flow that it flaunts … The dancing river it mingles into
They are somewhere in my memory… I know the Heavens… that I have never been to
You think of the thought of someone turning back to look at you one last time so much as or may be more than the reality of one’s never turning back. You miss the anticipation as much as you miss the real. Or more! Anticipation is dear to you- you created it, it is you, it is what you wanted, it is what you wanted the memory to be, it is what the memory meant to you.
I know I am not making much sense… still… I want to think with you. I want to say that good or bad is no axis… happy or sad neither… how much happened or what remained un-occurred – no, not a parameter. All that counts, all that’s gonna fill you up… all that’s gonna flow in you… is how much… how many of those you have. All kinds! How so ever un-occurred. How so ever unsung. The kisses you blew and the ones you only thought of… both. The stories where you won or where you were hurt… both. Where you expanded to fill in the world or contracted in the darkest corner of you room… both… equally. ‘Cause both have anticipations… both have so many unknown directions you can flow towards, infinite number of time. It’s not a list that you need to find real ways to complete – so don’t think and don’t try to be realistic. Feel as much as you can, open up your heart as wide. Collect the memories of the occurred and the anticipated – create your own – live them – love them… as much and as many times as you wish!
The Colored Pane 